Episode Transcript
Speaker 0 00:00:01 As I speak tonight, if there's anything good, it's, it's our lady's fault. And, uh, especially those from who I've learned, learned so much. Uh, I'd credit my dad and the men I grew up around, um, Jonathan Doyle is one of the guys that I'll, I'll mention here. And then, uh, plenty of things I'll pick up off the table. Anything bad, of course, is my own, uh, responsibility. I won't take it personally if you don't agree with really anything I say except for the teaching of church. So that's all we have to do. All right, I'm gonna start by, uh, with two stories. Years ago in the late eighties, I was teaching chemistry and coaching, wrestling in a suburb of Portland, a very wealthy suburb. It was the second, uh, wealthiest school district in the world or in the, in the country, right next to the wealthiest, the first day of school for some reason, they had me go to a meeting, uh, till just about a couple minutes right before class. And I was on the other side of the school and I had what the euphemistically called at-risk youth, uh, in my first period, which are, uh, thugs on drugs. And, uh, <laugh> just lost kids. They actually ended up being my favorite kids. But, uh, I just come from the country out there. I've been teaching in Montana. My brother was doing a transitional residency, so I saw to live with him and see what the big city was like and all that. So I did.
Speaker 0 00:01:31 So the meeting ends, I have to get to class. The bells ringing as I open the door and it's like a bad movie. Total chaos. You have these lab tables that are a little higher in this black lab tables. And as I opened the door right there on this lab tail in front of me, some girl on her back skirt up, you know, guy in between her legs. Uh, he had his drawers up. That's the part. And, you know, and all this just absolute mayhem. Uh, and so I grabbed, you know, as I grabbed him by the hair and pulled him off him. And as I'm yelling, I'm hearing, you know, like there's part of my brain going, I don't believe what you're saying. You're fired, you know, <laugh>, uh, and, uh, so I'm completely in his face and all of a sudden I have to do this cuz she's, uh, trying to claw me down.
Speaker 0 00:02:15 And I finally get the things settled down, get everybody in their, their seats, you know? Cause you have to stay up with dominance, especially in a situation like this where they're in possession of the classroom when you come in. And this kid long hair spike things, uh, leather jack, the, the whole shoot match. Uh, it wasn't, the tattoos weren't the thing yet, but, uh, I got 'em so done. But anyway, I thought, all right, you know, I know how this works. I'm might be a country boy, but I know just what happened. Anybody read the Bible? That's abson what with his father's wives up on the roof in front of everybody, right? I'm the big old dog. So I just thought I'm gonna be this kid's worst nightmare. And, uh, I've been to confession <laugh>.
Speaker 0 00:02:55 So I, I'd I'd prowl the halls looking for this kid and just go outta my way. Uh, you know, had to be a thug. Uh, you know, Ryan, you know, just, you know, all the, everything I knew I could get away with. And constantly I'm waiting for the phone call. But you find him, Holly, be wearing a black shirt f you, but all spilled out in white letters. You know, take that off, turn it inside out, you know, and make him put a jacket on. Just this kind of stuff. Constantly just picking on him, really picking on him. I'm not proud of him, I'm just telling the story, but I, I just thought this kid, you know, he's going to, he's not gonna pull a stunt like that again. And I'm waiting for an inevitable phone call and waiting to finally I get the phone call from his mother and she wants to come in and meet with me.
Speaker 0 00:03:38 Okay? So I, you know, I'm sitting at my desk kind of copping this attitude, waiting for it to open. And what I'm expecting to come to the door is, you know, biker chick, something like that. <laugh>, no, this, he's a metalhead. It's, it's really, you know, kid with serious drug problems. Uh, by this time I know that he has a work release in the afternoon, but, you know, off smoking weed, it's Oregon. I mean, and so, so the guy, his mother, the door opens up and you could have knocked me over with a feather when I saw his mother. Cuz when she walks in, I mean, this is obviously some high part executive probably working for Reebok or Nike or something, I don't know. But I mean, really high power, like power suit, just the right con jewelry, all this kind of stuff. Definitely upper class and sits down.
Speaker 0 00:04:23 And I, so I, I'm completely taken off guard cuz I really was expecting, you know, share with tattoos in a foul mouth and uh, you know, just programmed on where I'm from. And I thought, what is going on? But I didn't say. And so she says, I suppose you wonder why I, I, I wanna meet with you. And I go, oh yes, yes. She says, it's, it's Ryan. I go, oh yeah. And uh, so, and she says, yeah, yes. In fact his father and I are worried because every he has a work release and every afternoon he gets out and he's smoking, uh, marijuana. I said, I'm not surprised. And uh, and she says, so I've come in to talk to you. I'm still waiting for the, cuz I've been picking on this kid like nobody's business. I mean seriously. And so he says, her father, I've come in cuz his father and I have been talking about it.
Speaker 0 00:05:08 And we'd like to ask you if you could take him for another period in the day. If you have a free period you can take him. And I said, take him for what? And she says, well, he loves you. He never stops talking about you. And so we were wondering if you could have him for another free period. If you have a free period and you could do that. And at this point in time, you know, you'd have gone like that and I'd have fallen over. But at the same time, I got the grace to realize, oh my gosh, I'm this kid's father, not biologically, of course I took him, you know, I took him for the, the period and I actually had a full-time lab aid. So I would have him make a mess so he'd have to clean it up. So there's all these things and I'd sit on a stool and be life according to, and uh, just talk to this kid and hammer on him in a different way all day. Cuz, cuz it just totally changed. It gave me a real insight. Here was a kid that nobody ever told him where the lines were, where was his dad off doing some high part executives thing, you know, telling everybody else what to do except the one person in the world that he really needed to tell what to do and to be there and spend that time and tell him, this is right and this is wrong. And that, that is not gonna pass with me.
Speaker 0 00:06:27 16 year old kid, same here. I'm coaching a guy. Hold that thought, drugs, sex, you name it. Everything I learned a lot about, about street drugs and all that from this kid, cuz I didn't, you know, just talk on him cuz he had a lot of experience. Okay, hold that thought. Same year I'm coaching, wrestling. We had a kid called head hunter, this kid named Derek. Uh, he'd grown up, his dad was a w Wycliffe bible translators and he'd grown up in New Guinea, but unlike most Protestants in, in that thing, cuz he's the one that told me this. He grew up with his father cuz he said, ordinarily with family like ours, our family would live in some American camp or someplace. And then dad, the dad would go into the village or whatever and do things and come back. But my dad didn't think that was right.
Speaker 0 00:07:10 We should live with the people that were ministering too. Obviously I'm not for the religious aspects of that, but, uh, it was, so he grew up in this New Guinea village with the New Guinea kids. And at the age of 12, he'd gone through manhood rights with the, with the other kids that he grew up with. And this involved things. They took em away, did different things, and then they had to go out in the jungle and kill a wild boar and, and bring it back to feed everybody. That was the big deal. See have all these 12 year olds running around barefoot, the jungle of spears, literally. And uh, see it kills the board. And one of the things he got one of the tusks, so he must have done it. That was, you know, the four guys that did that was the most edifying. They, they got that. And then you're treated different. Now, what I want to tell you about Derek was he was qualitatively different than almost everybody in his class. He was a man and he knew it. He had a sense of self-confidence. Now he's a young man, you know, but a sense of self-confidence, a sense of possession of himself. Definitely a virgin. Definitely never been drunk. Absolutely the antithesis of everything that Ryan was in that way.
Speaker 0 00:08:14 And I want to talk about those two things as we go on tonight. But those two guys, I've been thinking for a lot of years, certainly growing up the way I did, and I might say a few things about that. Um, but in coming in contact with the larger parts of our culture and then in this kind of situation where we see two boys, cuz the parents moved back. So you go to have an American high school experience, two boys with completely different high school experiences living in the same place and going to the same school.
Speaker 0 00:08:43 So I wanna talk about boys to men, I think more than anything else. And, and then, and then some of, some of the consequences of that. So, and we'll return to these two guys at least, least in broad terms. But the first thing I wanna start with, I guess is in just in general about raising children, which should apply to anybody. But it, it, it's funny, it takes 18 years to raise an 18 year old. And a lot of times you talk to people and ask them, so what's the vision you have for your child at 18? What are the virtues he or she's gonna have? What are your expectations? Where are they gonna be virtue wise? Cuz it doesn't matter so much what they do. It matters what they are. Especially as Catholics, we need to understand this. It matters what they are. And yet how often, and I hope it's not true of anybody here, but how often when I ask that question, it seems like an original question to a father or a mother.
Speaker 0 00:09:45 This should not be an original question. This should be the thing that you're thinking about all the time with each one of those kids and talking with, with, with your wife and saying, look, here's what we see, but there, there's where they're weak here. Do I need to be shored up? These kind of things. I'm gonna make a proposal for a book right now. I brought a bunch of 'em that I think are pretty decent, but this is just kind this James b stints in compass, a handbook on parental leadership. He was, uh, I think it was probably Opus to he ran, he he ran private schools for 30 years and what was interesting about him is he, he noticed which families were things were working well with the kids and the kids would really turn out well. And then he went and interviewed the parents and just wrote down observations from all these different, it's a collection of 30 years of, of observations from a whole bunch of different parents where they were producing a good product in terms of, of a child that turned into a decent adult. So Compass, and that's what it's about. So it's a lot of it's got talk, talking points, different things, and it's about raising a kid, uh, children in, in virtue, what is it that we expect our kid to be?
Speaker 0 00:10:52 That's not principally an economic question, although economics are definitely important. And on that line, before I go on, all I might mentioned, again, this is a Protestant, there are things lacking in it, but it's still, it's the only thing I know like this, and you can correct for it cuz it's not bad, but it's called Preparing Sons to provide for a single income family by Steven Maxwell. It's not a good thing for the Godes goddess chart. This occurs to him when he is 21. And he, you know, and he, he's hasn't prepared himself for that. If dad is thinking about this and coach him up and all that, you know, Saint faas, we live in different times, Saint faas and, and, and, and his stuff in his talks to, to fathers, he, he, he, uh, points out to the fathers that's immortal sin, uh, for anybody except indigent not to have a trade or an education for the child.
Speaker 0 00:11:44 So the son when he leaves home so he can support himself and the family. Now, I wouldn't, I'm not trying to make a a moral, moral, moral statement here, but it's certainly something that everybody should be thinking about. What is it that I'm expecting about my sons virtualize and how are they, how, how are they gonna make their way in an economy like ours? Realistically? Are they gonna be like some of these young people that have a hundred thousand dollars in a college loan that they can never pay off? I mean, these are things to be thinking about cuz a lot of these young guys come to you and they're in over their ears with a degree in philosophy. I'm not against philosophy, how could I be on a priest? But I mean, there they are, they got, they got 80,000 bucks or 40,000 bucks in loans and what can they do?
Speaker 0 00:12:30 The same thing they could have done before they went to college. I mean, and I'm not against the philosophy, but since they didn't own an oil wall, they might have wanted to think about this thing before they went in and their dad, if they'd been coaching him up as a young man to start thinking in a certain way. Cuz that's part of the virtue too, as my, are my sons gonna leave home in a timely manner? Am I gonna have to get a cata prod to get him off the couch and get away from the PlayStation? How many thumb second 27 year olds do we have in America? We got a, a whole population of them. They don't leave home.
Speaker 0 00:13:05 They're not men. It's a big crisis. It's a big crisis. Okay? So you want to have a plan. I mean, and everybody here sh it's, it's just obvious when they're building one of these hospitals. It is just like, oh, you know, let's dig, dig a hole and start throwing things together and see what comes out at the end. Think of all the thought that went into planning something that's just a building that's not gonna last forever. Your child is gonna be alive forever. This is an immortal being. And the virtues that you instill in 'em are directly related to where they're gonna spend eternity. You're trying to start found a whole dynasty of saints. That's your goal as a Catholic father that you, your wife and everybody to descend from you throughout the generations is gonna be happy together in heaven. That's your goal. It has to be clearly your goal.
Speaker 0 00:13:59 Everything else has to be in service to that. And you have to instill that kind of thought in your sons and your grandsons. You want this to be something that your grandsons, your great grandsons are thinking about. That is what the main thing they should be thinking about. We are going to heaven and the whole family's going to heaven and nothing is gonna stand in the way of us going to heaven. And when we see that really clearly, then everything else starts falling into place to a certain degree. It doesn't mean the challenges go away, but at least you have the goal and you're the one that has instill that in the sons, especially the whole family, of course with the sons. Cuz you're the model that God gave to, to look up to and all that. So you wanna prepare sons for that on that kind of thing too.
Speaker 0 00:14:43 And I'm just like, as I say, I'm gonna go through some of these, but Legacy by Steve Wood. It's a, it's a great book. I think he's got a book on tape too, but it's a father's handbook for raising godly children. Good Catholic guy. This is a, a really practical and, and, uh, it's, it's not too long. It's, but it's really practical, really good practical book, legacy of Father's Handbook for raising Godly children. It's one of the ones in marriage prep. I make the guy read, get you an idea. What, what is it I'm trying to do? Okay, we get a drink of water, we'll continue.
Speaker 0 00:15:21 Just parenthetically, I do want to say one thing specifically or briefly about, about girls. I'll rely on Jonathan Doles version of it. But it's just important. A girl needs her dad or dad is a template for the daughter's expectation of masculinity and manhood and so forth. You're given, you're the template for, so the girl has all those questions inside her. We'll talk about guy questions a minute, once we've all struggled those in our life, but the girl questions are, am I beautiful? Will I be chosen? Will I be alone? This is not the stuff that we think about, but that those are the existential questions inside a girl's heart. All of 'em. That's how a girl thinks. And dad provides an answer in a non-sexual way. He affirms her beauty and gives her that masculine protection. I'm gonna read something interesting. It's, uh, Sophie Caldecott, her dad stu uh, Stratford Caldecott.
Speaker 0 00:16:21 He's a British Catholic theologian that died I in in July, I'm pretty sure. And his, while he was dying of cancer, his daughter wrote this. And I just wanna read some of it out because it makes the, you know, so you don't think, where's father getting these ideas? It's beautiful cuz I was thinking about this and here's this essay. So Sophie Caldecott talking about her dad as a young child, my father often told me I was beautiful. Despite the twists and turns that have come about as I've gone older in relationships, schooling, and jobs, I've always been protected to a certain extent by a sense of self-worth. When I try to put my finger in all the things my father's given me over the years, I realize that it's wisdom and love have been woven into the fabric of who I am. Perhaps it's hard to pinpoint one specific thing, but I know from experience that his gentle reminder of my beauty has been one of the greatest gifts. His love is a qu quiet, steady voice against the clamor of a world constantly telling me that I should look or act differently. It helps me accept myself
Speaker 0 00:17:33 When I was young. One of my favorite things is have my father read stories aloud it to me. He opened me up books for me at bedtime, like magic, treasure, chest that contain your entire world. Steer me through the words of JR Token, CS Lewis, George McDon, Hans Christian Anderson, Jane Austin, amongst many others. The heroes and heroines were flawed just like me. But they knew in the end the difference between right and wrong and most importantly, all they knew how to love in his own quiet way. This is what my father's been teaching all along. And she continues. It's very beautiful and moving. I'll just read the last couple lines. It's almost impossible to say exactly how my father shaped who I am. His gentle manor, his childlike curiosity and awe about the world, his ability to listen and correct connect and speak right to the heart of the way things are with very few words are all qualities about him that I love and I aspire to. But perhaps the most precious lesson that a father can teach his daughter a lesson which helps her deal with the possibility of losing the fact is that love is stronger than death.
Speaker 0 00:18:49 I learned this to the heroes and heroines of the stories that my father shared with me. Like him, I will never despair, stop believing that the world is good. So she has a sense of self-worth that she got from her dad. Cuz that's what the dad does for the daughter. And if he doesn't do it, if she doesn't get that from him at a certain age, she's gonna go looking for that from another guy. That's how it works. Okay? So nature of whores a vacuum. If you don't answer those questions for her, someone else will. The transition from girl to woman, I, I I don't really need to talk about that happens, uh, naturally. A a a a girl will just grow up and become a woman. Uh, it's not the case with a boy. We're more complicated. It's probably the one place where males are more complicated than females. So the fundamental questions inside a young man, a boy revolver on strength and am I a man? What does it mean to be a man? So those are the things they struggle with. I know for some reason, when is a deacon, I got stuck at this. We had this boy school called St. Gregory's Academy. Giant Peter Pan Factory, you know, never, never land where they never grow up. But, uh, it just,
Speaker 0 00:20:18 And the main reason for that is they had dorm dads that weren't men. Oh, chronologically they were men, but they were still boys. I would get the boys put to bed 10, 10, 30 nights for the next two, two and a half bars with dorm dads going, gee, Deek, what does it mean to be a man? You know, put down your Aristotle, I'm nothing, you know, that's fine, but I mean, put down your Aristotle and get in touch with real. You'd be talking, but these were good guys, but they're trying to look in a book. What is it to you man? They're trying to find it. Look through Aristotle, looking through books, uh, stuff like that. They're lost. These were good guys, morally good guys for the most part. But they were lost. They didn't know what it was to be met. No one can give what he doesn't have. It's just not possible. So you couldn't pass that on to him. Fundamental question, strength questions. Am I a man? What does it mean to be a man at our society, in our society at the most crucial time of his life? When a boy needs a company of men, of men,
Speaker 0 00:21:26 The average boy is, is essentially even actually abandoned. By and large, we're failing Our boys in general. The boys in our society are profoundly unfathered. I'll just mention a book. This book, it's now 20, it's, it'll be 20 years old here. It's 1995. Fatherless America. Confronting our most urgent social problem, 1995. And how have we confronted it? We've done nothing. It's gotten worse. Unbelievably worse. I spent, uh, over eight years working in a ghetto parish. It was right down the block. It was one block away to the most violent place in the city, in the whole metro area.
Speaker 0 00:22:13 That whole area. You know, we'd be st Like right now, if we were having a meeting like this, there'd be small arms fire. You know, I've been here all, I've been here five years, I haven't heard anything like that. You'd be standing out doing the Easter blessing, you know, gun fights breaking out. You're standing out in the aftermath on a Sunday afternoon. You know, opposing teams pull up to the, oops, they're at this other side instead of leaning out cuz it's cool to shoot the pistol sideways. Luckily, you know, the bolts are spraying all over the place. You'd have this kind of crazy, it's just the way it is. A whole world without fathers, they've been fathered, but they didn't have fathers.
Speaker 0 00:22:53 That's the whole gang phenomenon. A guy needs structure in his life. He doesn't have his dad tell him where the rules are. He doesn't have some thug teacher picking on him or a coach or he doesn't, he stops with a pastor or priest. He just keeps trying to going. No uncle, he's gonna hit, hit the gang in that kind of situation. Cuz we need structure. We need to told what's right and wrong. These are the good guys, these are the bad guys. And that's what the gang does for those guys. So it's their father, it's their collective father in that way. That's the phenomenon. I'm not telling you anything very original five of us America. I wanna read this one, one stat, I think I'll have a couple stats. This is one of 'em. So this is cut out, I think, I don't remember, it's a, uh, several years old. But he said basically nearly a decade ago, while working as a clinical director of a treatment facility for at-risk adolescence, I heard a shocking statistic. The average American father, this is a decade ago, spends 13 minutes a day with their children.
Speaker 0 00:23:57 My experience working with families has turned up similar findings. What 13 minutes be the low made the lowest side of the norm. An hour a day has proven to be the high side. As such, it has confirmed contributing factors at the root of the deep seated anger. I have witnessed in so many of the adolescents I've coached, taught or counsel. While these young people come from various backgrounds, there's a consistent similarity among them. A lack of time together as a family. It's especially critical for the dad. Are you eating in supper with your kids or is it just a hotel where everybody sleeps and he'd at their own? That's a real question.
Speaker 0 00:24:34 You know, I, I'm not from that upper class to put it Molly, but uh, you know, we'd sit there, I can, all the things we've learned from our dad, cuz we, we, and then we'd, you know, he'd eat and he'd be basically talking to us through the whole meal and asking us what's going on and find out and then coaching us up. And then when we're done, we'd have to run and get his tobacco and he'd roll two cigarettes and talk to us. Then when he is done with the second we'd go to work. But all that, that's just a treasure that I have for my dad. That time that he spent with me and my brothers and my sister. That's dad time. The only have a little bit of it. This is an immortal being. Every one of those children, they're gonna live forever and God sent 'em to you. This 13 minute thing. Oh my gosh. And so many people don't eat with their family. You know, eating is a spiritual thing. I actually hate McDonald's. And it's not because it's McDonald's. It's something wrong with it. What's the last thing our Lord did before he's crucified? He had a meal with his friends. What's the last thing he did before he went to heaven? He had a meal with his friends. There's something spiritual about just a meal.
Speaker 0 00:25:45 There really is. And every culture is recognized this. And it's not to just drive through window and go through on, on as a means of efficiency. There's something spiritual. And as the head of a family, you should really treasure that time at all possible. Make every possible effort whenever possible to eat supper with your family. Every meal that you can. But certainly that one with your family every night. If you can't, there's work things that make that not possible. You just have to figure out how to work around. But don't sacrifice that without a real fight. They need to have time with you. We don't need more. Ryans these people had enough money to buy islands in the Pacific. What were they doing? You know, one more Ryan story.
Speaker 0 00:26:39 So every day, you know, he'd get, get him clean. He's not using drugs, he's not sleeping with girls, all this kind of stuff. He's acting like a human being. You know, I'm trying to move him away from his aspirations of being eroding with a metal band. So we're making progress and uh, and he's been clean for about six weeks and his birthday's coming up some I'm talking, you know, that's good. He gonna be, you know, and uh, and one day he comes in just, you know, obviously storm clouds. I'm thinking, oh no, he's using again. He had, he wasn't yet. Uh, so his birthday's coming up later the week. He says, so what are you doing for thought? Well, I'll just shift tore and go directly, Todd, what are you doing on, you know, what are you gonna do for your birthday? He says, I'm gonna have a party. I said, no, you're not. I said, yeah, we getting this back and forth. And finally it comes out, says parents decide, you know, Hey Ryan, uh, here's 500 bucks. We're gonna go to Ma Lodge for two weeks. We'll see ya. You know, why not just put a shotgun this mo put a finger on a tree and say, we love you. Squeeze. You won't do that to a dog. You won't leave a dog at home for two weeks. Here's some food. You know, see a bower.
Speaker 0 00:27:49 But a lot of people, that's the extreme, right? But a lot of sons don't get much more than that from their dad cuz he's so busy with everything but the son, we don't want to be like that. So boys need men. Boys need men. They need physical affection and roughhousing. You start that when they're young and don't drop it as they get older. It's gonna have to shift a little bit, but don't drop it. I mean, when they become teens at least punch in the arm roughing up a little bit or whatever it is. You wanna have that kind of contact. Boys need men. It's uh, it's culture. I don't know. I didn't grow up in Texas, obviously. And we're like, about as distant as you can probably get. It's all like, you know, you stand back and hook your fingers in your belt and and stuff like that and move your hat around, lean on the pickup and do all these stuff.
Speaker 0 00:28:34 It's the only place, you know, where I'm from. The only really socially acceptable way for men to touch each other is when they're having too much to drink in the bar. Everybody's standing there, sitting there talking to each other. You know, there's cowboy stuff, but, but, uh, it's not necessarily, I'm, I'm not holding that up as a model. It's just, it, it is what it is. But, uh, you want, at least with your sons, you want to have that, maintain that kind. That's important to have that some kind of physical contact with them. And they need men to tell 'em the facts life. And they need you to tell your sons, if you don't speak to your sons at the appropriate times, someone or someone else will. I'll just pull out one little book here that's got way more than you're ever gonna want to know. And it, it's been in print for 50, 60 years. I can look at it here. Tan has it out now, but it's 1952, so that's a pretty good long time. So it was Saint Anthony's guild and Patterson and, and then it was double day an image. And then Tan, I've, I've given away some this, I think the one I'm left with, but it's by Father Henry sat let's parents, children, the facts of life. So you got that kind of thing. Um, there's other, other things doing, but you're the one
Speaker 0 00:29:42 That needs to be telling, coaching up the, the boys, your wife with the girls, huh? But you need to coach 'em up in that way. And I just want to, if you don't, and everybody's probably heard these, but I will. So in the spring of two thousands, Zogby International has more than a thousand US adults where they'd ever visited a sexually oriented site. Only one in five had done so among born again Christians. 18% had gone to such sites, just three percentage points less than the general public. Fast forward today. So the Barnard Group examined, examined current pornography use. They found 64% of American men and 20% of women view porn at least monthly. And for Christian men, the number is 55%. 14 years ago, only one out every three men had ever gone to pornography site. But now nearly one third of the men under 30 do so on a daily basis. And 18% of men believe they may be addicted to pornography. That's more than 20 million men in deep trouble. Couple other things on that. It's on cheery notes here. I like this particular comment, calling it the, the, the, the hardline on hardcore online pornography is the largest unregulated social experiment in, in, in human history. Here we go.
Speaker 0 00:31:08 Uh, uh, quote this, this particular, this is from something it's called, it's called Internet Pornography Pandemic. The largest unregulated social experiment in human history by Donna Rice Hughes. Uh, she was involved back in the, in the nineties, the early nineties. There was a, there was something passed, I mean I think Clinton even signed it, I can't remember, was to regulate this. And ACL A C L U went after it hammer and tongs to make sure that e everybody could have their porn. You know, with the internet, the protected barrier between the sex industry and youth dissolved and the home historically considers safe haven has become the very place where the sex industry is grooming our youth. And of course with these phones, they really can not triple X theaters in their pockets. I cannot believe how many people, when you talk to 'em, they don't have filtering and they have their kids have smartphones with the internet, no, as in never image. And this is anvil and hammer and put the thing between it and make it into powder. That's what you do with that stuff. You didn't get, there's kosher phones, you don't have to pay the rabbi price or whatever, or, but just a phone. And if you can a phone that's a phone or something, you have phone and text, but don't have any internet access for your kids. If you love them,
Speaker 0 00:32:24 You wanna go to heaven. Just a couple other things. Porn sites get more visitors each month than Netflix. Amazon at tour combined, 30% of the internet industry is porn. The online porn industry makes over $3,000 per second. Mobile. Mobile porns are expected to reach 2.8 billion by this next year. We're the largest producer in export of hardcore porn, DVDs and web material. Um, then they analyze 304 scenes, 88, 2% contained physical aggression, principally spanking, gagging, slapping. And uh, you know, isn't that great? Perpetrators of aggression were usually male targets of aggression. Were overly, overwhelmingly female. Hey, what is that gonna do to young man's idea of woman? You need to talk to your sons before these people
Speaker 1 00:33:18 Didn't.
Speaker 0 00:33:20 Lemme talk a little bit more about that. One more thing I think that this is well written by, she's a pro, it's well written. The parents' role is to instill their own personal values about relationships, sex, intimacy, love and marriage. And their children. Well, your own personal values insofar as their, you know, in line with the church. That's the one qual qualification to make there. That's very good.
Speaker 0 00:33:40 Unfortunately, powerized portrayed and exploited pornography can take the lead in educating children on very important life issues. Pornography teaches sex without love. Intimacy, tenor touch, responsibility and commitment. Justice 32nd commercials can influence whether we choose one popular soft drink over another exposure to porn shapes or attitudes and values. And often our behavior when kids watch sexual acts depict in pornography is no dis surprise. The desire to act out sexually. And I'll just read a few more in here. Teenagers also express great difficulty in bridging the gap between the porn experience and their world's sexual experience. Demand for da, today's pre-teen girl, pre-teen girls to be porn ready, provide porn sex and data is dawning according to Courtney age 18. It does make them curious just like a little girl when she watched Cinderella, you know, she wants to be just like her and kids that watched porn, they want to be just like them.
Speaker 0 00:34:32 We'd watched it together and then the guys did expect me to act out like that. But it destroyed our lives at respect for others and our relationships. Justin, in age 16 shared, I just wanted to do what they did in the porn. I didn't even care about the relationship anymore. I just wanted to have sex with as many girls as I could. Girls in real life don't act like the girls in porn. When you get with them and they don't act like porn stars, it makes you kind of fen unmanly. It's disappointing. It goes on and on. It's disappointing.
Speaker 0 00:35:04 There was a, it's like a horror movie, but it, it's, it's already a generation ago. Uh, this would be in the, I i I'm gonna place it about 94. I've read they used to have at least the whole, uh, transcript online. I, I wouldn't dare watch the thing, but it was a, it was called the Lost Children of Rockdale County. It was a frontline PBS special. I was in seminary and in the Washington newspaper we got, they had a little blurb on it. So I cut that out and later on, you know, cuz I, we kind of, I missed the nineties I was in, in lockdown. And then when I, I got out, I I I, I've read that as a priest, I've read it yet to pray before you read it, but it should be read The Lost Children of Rockdale County. I'll just tell you what it's about.
Speaker 0 00:35:48 So some epidemiologists and cdc, those are the guys that trap diseases. They're seeing this, this syphilis spike in upper middle class, lower upper class white girls in this Kanye's, Georgia. This this community, you know, of a wealthy community like that never happens. That's just not where you get syphilis. It's not, you know, like what? And so they start, and this is when they track, you know, everything should be, but you know, they still haven't completely lost their minds in certain areas. So they're going there and they're finding like 15 year old girls with a hundred and some con sexual contacts already. And they're putting these webs together to show all the different contacts and they're, what is going on? This never happens. How can we get this? Because this is the kind of stuff you'd expect from a girl work in the street, not somebody from that.
Speaker 0 00:36:36 And what the, the long short of it is, these are bedroom or they're, they're latchkey children. So their parents are like Ryan's parents, you know, if they're married, they, they're two, they're executives, stuff like that. The kids come home, let themselves in, do whatever. So they, they come home. Of course these are people with no clue. So they have the Playboy channel. So they come in, they turn out Playboy and they have these parties where whatever's on the Playboy channel everybody gets to do. And that's how it got going. And at one extraordinary scene as you're reading about it, this mother's complaining like, well, I've gotta have a life too. You just want to grab her right through the script and just turn her head and say, that's your daughter, that's your life. Wake up lady. You know? But that's in the nine, early nine. It's 20, 20 years ago when this thing is a film, it isn't getting any better. And the expectations in our boys' heads from this kind of stuff. Oh my gosh. Okay, so what kind of thing are they getting from media, from a television, from the films and all that, that women exist
Speaker 0 00:37:45 For the purposes of sexual conquest. For the purposes of, you know, for that, that, that, uh, the most important thing of our woman are body parts. The commitment is fate, faith, fatal know, you know, so she exists to the greater herself. For me, that's the message from porn. You know, those girls never have a cycle. There's no emotional things. They just can't wait to rip off their clothes and do any kind of degrading, horrible, sinful, unbelievable, disgusting thing for a guy. Cuz it's, that's what it is. Nobody would fall in love with sp sp laughable. This guy that has pointy ears and no emotions, of course is impossible to be like that. Cuz if you have a body, you have passions. But it, so we know it's ridiculous, but it's ridiculous in a more diabolical way, these, these porn movies, because it's making up, these aren't girls, I'm sure they're actresses that, you know, they have have girl that's not a girl. And if this is the kind of thing that's programming these young guys, we can't be careful enough to keep 'em away from it and talk to 'em and, and model for 'em what it is to be a man
Speaker 0 00:38:50 And how women are to be treated. You have to get the proper message to 'em in your actions, in your life, in your care for your wife and your daughters in your words and your explanations to your sons commitment. That commitment is not death, for example, at the right time in his life. It's the most life giving and fruitful experience possible. Where would we be without the commitment of our parents? Where would we all be? There will be no fathers without commitments. There'd be no priests without commitments. There'd be no sacra without commitments. There'd be no salvation without commitments. So we, we had to point out that manhood is not about using other people.
Speaker 0 00:39:29 It's being at service and sacrifice. So we'll talk about that. So areas of crisis for men. What does it mean to be a man? Those are the kind of things you wanna talk to your son. What's the difference between extraordinary men and other men? No, it's interesting, I got this from Jonathan Doyle, but it, it, it reflects back on Derek and I'll talk about it. When there's one way to become a man when the father or the community of men tells someone he is a man and formalizes that some meaningful way. And you could see that in this, his head hunter. The, the, the wrestler I had. One of the most fundamental needs for man is for his father to be proud of him. And so one of the things you want, you want to point out to your sons, you should live in a way you tell him you wanna live in a way is to be a man your father will be proud of, especially our father in heaven. But our father too. Our physical father and raise his son. That's twice the man that I am. That's the kind of goal that that one would want to have. Talk to 'em about honor and virtue and the big issues. Tell 'em stories about their ancestors. Stories are important about their ancestors, about men of virtue.
Speaker 0 00:40:38 You know, you think about the guys in the war between the states where they're marching in a grape shot that's not nothing and they're marching knowing what's gonna happen to 'em. The kind of virtue that took, you know, they would rather die than go home and not be met. That's really impressive. The guys at show some reservoir in Korea. There's plenty of stories from war and war isn't the only stories, the stories of the martyrs.
Speaker 0 00:41:11 But these kind of things need to be proposed, especially to the guys. What is it to be virtue virtuous. And they can be pagans ratio on the bridge. You know, it's something, but what is it? So we wanna, we, manhood is proven by sacrificial service. Even under death. When you look in the scripture, there's all this stuff about, you know, sometimes I hear it, it and I'm not totally sure where it comes. I don't wanna blame the fundamentalist for this cuz I don't know where it comes. But the primary note in the scripture isn't for the men to exercise authority over wisen families, but to love them.
Speaker 0 00:41:48 The authority is there for the sake of sacrificial love. If I have authority and I do, it's not for my benefit, it's not. So I can walk around and be the big priest and pick on everybody besides I wanna go to heaven. But, uh, you know, if I have authority, it's so I can be at service to people that, that authority that is for, for the sake of accomplishing duties. They're relatives everywhere where we have authority, we have duties. And the principle duty, and you can read about right there in scripture, his husbands love your wives. His Christ loved his church. So all that authority is given for a very specific reason. And just by being occupying that position of fatherhood, it's not, it doesn't, it doesn't take some kind of, uh, dominoing thing at all. It by just by occupying the position. You can't help but have, have it.
Speaker 0 00:42:34 No, the, there can be a civil war with the wife. That's another story we can get into another night. But not now that, but, but in terms of just the position itself, the father already symbolizes authority and he stands apart from the family in a way. The woman never can. I always tell guys, I tell priest says he tell teachers if you have an issue, if little Johnny's being a knucklehead or little Susie go to the father of retirement, if there's one in the house, cuz he, that kid didn't come out of his body, you know, you wanna wrestle with the grizzly bear, build to the mom, go to the dad. He, he's 20 million times more likely to say, yeah, you know, I can see that. Even if he doesn't like what you have to say cuz he's gonna be dispassionate. There's nothing wrong with the mother being that way.
Speaker 0 00:43:14 God put it in her. But it's a different kind of relationship that the mother has with her children than the father. The father's standing aside in a certain way and, and he's symbolizing authority God the father to the family. And it just is that way when men drop out, uh, and just become passive. Like in the hood where I was describing or in some families, the women don't start to exercise authority. Instead what happens is authority just collapses. And that's how you end up with the gang flowing in. Cuz they just can't do that. It, they're, they're not built out. Now you can sustain a certain amount of that and the culture, when you have a culture where, where the men are at home and all that, there's gonna be guys done. There are gonna be guys that aren't doing the right thing. There are gonna be guys off to war and all that.
Speaker 0 00:43:56 But the thing can keep going. And by the way, a dead father still has authority cuz your mother can say your father wouldn't put up with that. But a father that leaves home has no authority. A dead father still rules from the grave. It's an amazing thing when you think about it. Your father wouldn't put up with that. And you can correct the kid like that. There's no correction if he's off with somebody else. It's amazing the authority that a dad has in that way. And so it's an empowering thing in that way. It's not, uh, it's, it's, it's to to stand back but empower the authorities there for doing the duties and guiding the family and guiding the wife and children. It's not some weird domineering thing. I just say that cuz sometimes you hear this kind of thing and no, no, that's not how it works anymore than it would be clericalism for the priest to just walk around stru around like little pe I know there's a lot of 'em do.
Speaker 0 00:44:43 I mean, I was in the pews a lot of years, but, uh, and you know, I'm not completely, but that's not what we're given authority for. You know, that's not what bishops have the authority, right? Alright, so we want to propose to 'em what manhood is that, that you've been given this power to serve others because you got two things you can do with your power. You can serve yourself or you can serve others. And that's the kind of thing you wanna talk about. Do you wanna be like these men that're just serving themselves and just pick up a newspaper, point out things. It's a good thing to do. No, we want to be like the men that they're here serving others. So marriage, fatherhood, commitment, living in an honorable way. Striving to be virtuous. I love, there's, I can't remember the guy, but there's a, a, a Korean war, uh, vet. He was a p o w and he said, if I can't go home off myself, respect, I won't go home at all. What a great line.
Speaker 0 00:45:35 What a great line. You wanna tell 'em things I self-control friendship, being a man of your word. Drill that into 'em. Be a man of your word. So if they, when they're little and they, if you know they're line, just say, all right, I'm gonna tell you what you just go back to your room for while you think about what you just told me. And, and you know, I want, you know, you gotta be, you know, so you don't punish him. You teach him that, you know then if then, then you and you come back. But I don't ever, I want, I wanna be expect you gotta train em. Not cuz some of these, some kids are gonna be weak in that department. You want to train him up, not just cuff 'em every time they do 'em, make them more and more scared. No because there's a time to cuff em.
Speaker 0 00:46:09 But you get some of these situations, the priest, it's hard working with a kid cuz he is more afraid. He lies more and more and more cuz he is more and more afraid and it doesn't work that way. So you wanna think what make the right thing easy and the wrong thing difficult. That work ethic is about being a man, having a sense of adventure and having adventures, uh, de degrade gratification, virginity till marriage, things like that. You have to propose those things to it. It's all fine for the guy in the black dress to say that, but I'm not with them every day. It's really important to hear that from you guys and the purpose in life that they have. One that they're gonna get out the door. You know, and I'm not holding my parents up as an example, but they're just the house I grew up in.
Speaker 0 00:46:49 Um, but we all left home. My sister didn't, but all three of us boys within a couple weeks of graduate and I didn't even think it was that interesting till later <laugh>, you know? And I realized, boy, this isn't how people, you know, it was horrible when I was a seminarian because I'd been gone for years and then in the summer you needed something to do and you could only, you know, finally had to go home. It's like I left home. And that's when I got thinking about that. It's, they had just drilled that into, it's not in a bad way. We're always welcome but you're, you are ready to leave home. And there were certain things that we'll talk about that. But you want, you want to have vocation talk from, from a young age that you have to be calculating economic realities. The kid, where am I going and who's gonna go with me? You want him to be thinking about things, where am I going and who's gonna go with me? And point out you can't drag anybody along down that trail to you. You're in a position to take care of her. So you gotta be thinking about this kind of thing. So if you don't provide the narrative of what it means to be a man, the culture will,
Speaker 0 00:47:53 If you don't provide the narrative of what it means to be a man, the culture will, that is really important cuz what is the culture gonna say? There's two things to be a man. Alright? The women know it. Everybody knows you can do it in either order, but it's to get drunk and do rowdy things or the equivalent thereof and lose your virginity as fast as possible. If you have a whole room full of boys, you see all the virgins stand up, they're all gonna sit there.
Speaker 0 00:48:25 That's what the culture is telling them. That's not a secret. Everybody here knows that. If you don't tell 'em what it's to be a man, the culture, someone has to tell him what it is to be a man and how a man is to live. And uh, Jonathan Doyle has some really fascinating things. He's got anthropological ob observations and he points out traditional manhood rights across all the cultures is one, take the son somewhere to place him in a situation where attitude, bravado, posturing doesn't work. So he's out of his comfort zone. The men don't take his nonsense. Shut up kid. That kind of situation where they take him away, he's tested in some way, go kill a pig in the jungle. You know, something like that. I mean we don't live in the Guinea. And then recognition, he comes back with some kind of identity change and some sort of new freedoms of some sort.
Speaker 0 00:49:16 And obviously we're not living in New Guinea, it's not gonna be like that, but it's something that one would want to think about. Even if it didn't happen, it did to us. I'm not sure it worked, uh, completely. But where I'm from at just about everybody, at least in those years, I don't know what it's like now, but when you're 12, that's the first time you can go big game hunting at home. So when you're 12, we got our first really high powered rifle, you know, for instead of just having a 22 to kill a thing and then we take, we go packing in the mountains, horse packing. And uh, it was just like, cuz that's guys only kind of a thing and you gotta go out there. And unfortunately, you know, I mean, so we went up, my dad had punched a trail and, and some, some, some pretty back country in the sixties and the early seventies he took me back there and then it turned out that some guys had hung with him before he'd taken up there, had just come back from Vietnam.
Speaker 0 00:50:08 So they show up up there. So I'm not necessarily recommending, you know, that the 12 year old boy, uh, have uh, been in a hunting camp with all these guys fresh out, out out of Vietnam or whatever the equivalent there is. That was not exactly ideal. It caught, my god, my dad off guard. But uh, but the idea was right and you know, the way he was. So we show up there, this is Montana and we're packed in there and he pulls the, the, the tent out of his pocket cuz it's this little tube and he ties a string between two trees and it's snowing like the dickens, you know, and it's about 10 below, which isn't too bad. <laugh>, I'm basically sleeping in a large garbage bag with both ends open, you know, it's just sideways <laugh>. So he's doing this kind of stuff too. And you better not why, you know, you just better cock your hammer kid cuz he's the one, he wasn't gonna listen to me.
Speaker 0 00:50:57 So, uh, it was a good, it was a good experience. There were other things too. When we're a little older, we all had to, you know, circumstance are different and you have to think about these kind of things, but every one of us worked about a hun about 200 miles away, paid room and board between our junior and senior year. And, and then when we come back, we didn't have, there weren't many rules in our place, but they were hard. And, but at that we were just treated different. I didn't have to tell, you know, we could come home when we wanted. We'd get up earlier when you came home late, there was a proportion. So dad, get us up and do something like clean the irrigation something, it'd be something real horrible work, but they wouldn't say his name. Um, and then we left home the next year.
Speaker 0 00:51:34 You, I'm not recommending that. It's just, there's more ways of doing it than killing wild pigs is all, is, is all that. And there's ways of doing it, but you have a sense that you're different and your mother treats you instead of telling you what to do. She asked you, which is exactly the same as telling you what to do. But now she has to ask instead of tell you. That's a, a psychologically good thing to do if you do that to a boy, because all of a sudden he write something and the little kids can complain and say, yeah, but your your brother, it's different Now. He's, he's a man. Uh, and these, these kind of things, there's some good movies that, you know, they're, they're not perfect, but give you to think of all these kind of things. I think I can think of two of 'em when I was, when I, earlier a man from Snowy Rivers about this kind of thing in Australia years ago.
Speaker 0 00:52:15 But it, it's that kind of thing where his dad dies and then he, he gets driven off by the men cuz he doesn't have the right to live there till he becomes a man. And so that's an interesting one. And then secondhand lions, uh, Steve Wood is the one that, that, that turned me onto that, that kind of thing. And yeah, there's some, you know, but it is still, it's the exact kind of idea. Uh, there's parts in it where he says, you have to believe things, even if they're not true. Now I don't agree with that, but the things that they're proposing to you in the movie, although it's not fully Christian still, it's the kind of thing that can get you thinking about these sort of things. But the essential thing is for the boys to spend time with the men, with dad, the uncles, whatever, but spend time with them.
Speaker 0 00:52:55 Spend time. You think these traditional rights, Derek went through it and he just had a sense of confidence in all that told it. Really impressive. He just stood up and, you know, and a whole, and a whole crew of wrestlers, they all got about one marble loose scrolling around. And you have this guy that's completely different. And all these kids that are struggling to figure out who they are and doing all these crazy things. And here's the guy that can walk through that, go to high school with all them and just like, well, you know, I'm a man. I don't have to engage in this kind of stuff cuz I'm in control of myself. Okay? Without that, but without a, a recognition like a dad being told. And you want to think about this and pray without being told I you're a man now we have different expectations.
Speaker 0 00:53:30 The guy is gonna strive to try to become a man and get that recognition. That's how you get Ryan's. Now not everybody's gonna aspire to be a metalhead and do all the crazy things he did, but that's where it gets to. They go off to college, they get in, these fraternities do 40, 11 dumb things. They, they go in the service, all the different things that guys do. Testosterone and wrapping the, the pickup around the, the tree at 90 mile an hour. That kind of stuff. You know, bar fights, cage fighting, all the crazy things that got, why are they doing this stuff? They're getting tats. They're doing all because they want to be a man, you know, and pagan cultures, one of the things after you went through the manhood rights is scarification or tattoo. So it's, you know, it's funny that we have this coming back, but it's, it's like I'm reaching out in that certain kind of a way.
Speaker 0 00:54:11 But you can supply for that and, and, and get 'em through that the whole time. Telling them to channel their energy to live for others and not live for themselves. Okay? So I'd say that, uh, I, I wanna make a couple other remarks just in general about, about courtship cuz I was asked about that. Or dating. It doesn't matter what you call it. Uh, I'll just grab my, my stuff here cause I don't want to go too long and I know I'm probably, yeah, I've talked for an hour so I'll just talk. I won't make it too long.
Speaker 0 00:54:50 It does not matter what we call it. Courtship, dating, whatever. One of the things you wanna instill in your young man's mind is this, this is, I'll tell you the moral principle cuz this is the teaching of the church. And I'll just quote it cause I know it by heartbeat. You can look like, you could look at, it'll be, uh, one of the moral manuals in English is Jonah, you could look that up. It's from Tanya. See the same thing in slightly different words, but it's like this company keeping with a view towards prompt marriage is a necessary near occasion as sin. I'll go through that and then I'll talk about what, what that means. Company keeping with a view towards prompt marriage is a necessary in your occasion. I said company keep me dating card. You can call it whatever you want. It doesn't matter with a view towards prompt marriage.
Speaker 0 00:55:38 So already that puts the 15, 16, you know, when I was coming up, my first buddy to get married was 16. That's not gonna work anymore. Drop out, go cowboy, marry your best girlfriend, all that. That just doesn't exist now. It's virtually gone. And I'm not saying we should bring it back, but uh, getting married younger is better than me getting married later. Um, but, uh, company came with a view towards prompt marriage is a necessary near occasion of sin. An occasion a sin is any person, place, or thing that tempts Amanda sin. There are four types of occasions of sins who we understand this part. There's remote or near voluntary or necessary remote, near voluntary necessary. So we can understand what I just said. So remote or near voluntary necessary. A remote occasion of sin is a situation in which men seldom fall. A near occasion of sin is a situation in which men always or nearly always fall.
Speaker 0 00:56:33 So that's remote and near remote hardly ever fall near always, or almost always fall. So come keep me with you towards prompt. Marriage is a necessary near occasion of sin. First part, we know what near means. Voluntary occasion of sin can be avoided. A necessary occasion of sin cannot be avoided, at least not without serious loss. But men have to take the proper precautions to void falling. So again, an occasion of sin is anything, person, place, or any attempts, man sin. Our mode, occasion of sin is a situation which men rarely sin. Like having a bottle of whiskey in the cover, a near occasion of sin is a situation which men nearly are always, nearly always fall. Like viewing pornography, a voluntary occasion can be removed, necessary occasion can't be removed. At least not without grievous loss. But men must take the proper precautions in order to VA falling.
Speaker 0 00:57:22 So are we allowed to put ourselves in occasion of sin? It depends on what occasion we're dealing with. Are we allowed to put ourselves in remote occasion of sin? We're here on earth, of course, no problem. What about near occasions of sin? Are we allowed to put ourselves in near occasion of sin? That depends whether it's necessary or voluntary. If it's a voluntary occasion of sin, answers no. We can't voluntarily put ourselves in harm's way cuz that's exactly what we promise. We make our active contrition, right? I can't, I, if I'm gonna be an occasion to sin, there has to be a darn good reason to do that. Okay? If I'm a fireman, I have to run in and and and get naked women out of the thing. That's a necessary in your occasion to sin. No biggie. He won't sin at all. He's got his job to do.
Speaker 0 00:58:01 He's, he's good to go on that. If he's walking into a strip joint, a whole different situation, it's naked women again. But that isn't gonna work at all. Alright? Right. A physician, a male nurse, all that dealing with that, there is they saying their prayers, they won't have a problem. Okay? So we can't put ourselves in voluntary occasion of sin we're promised to when we're promised to avoid near occasion of sin. Uh, that's what we mean. If it's a necessary occasion of sin, we can put ourselves into it. If we take the proper precautions to void falling, the more serious the occasion of sin, the more serious pro precautions we have to take. Cuz the more serious it is, it's like the more close we are to the cliff edge and it's greasy. That's, that's so, so the more serious. So, alright, so company keeping view towards prompt marriage, a necessary near occasion of sin.
Speaker 0 00:58:47 So it's a necessary occasion of sin because in our society we don't marry strangers. We do have Catholics with arranged marriages in, in the east, but, but in, in America, that's, uh, I've, you know, the only people I know have been immigrants. You know, I had, I had, uh, people, I've had people with very good marriages, with arranged marriages, but they're from the east. Okay? So it's a necessary occasion to sin. Why? Because, uh, in our society, we don't have arranged marriages, we don't marry strangers. And it's definitely a grievous loss to not be married when someone has that vocation. So it's serious business, not a form of recreation. I'm going all through this in detail and then we'll just talk about it, okay? Because it's necessary. That means those that are keeping company, dating, courting you call what you, whatever you want must use the ordinary, supernatural, natural means or assure that the near occasion sin is made as remote as they possibly can.
Speaker 0 00:59:42 What are the precautions? Here's St. Alfonso, there are three principle means. The first is des OIDs as much as possible being alone with one another. Uh, so in other words, that's being alone together. Not just, you know, you can be alone in a, in a, in a semi-public thing, like where people aren't necessarily sitting right next to you looking at you. But it'd be fine too. I always tell people, you know, when you're court, if you have a kid's sister, just take 'em along. You're not gonna get in any trouble. Um, with that, it's just an easy way. Uh, but uh, second is prayer and a petition to God and the blessed virgin. And the third is sacraments of penance and Eucharist, where strength is a given to resist temptations. Okay? All that by way of background. So the whole idea of dating as properly understood in our culture.
Speaker 0 01:00:27 Is this sort of a recreation or fun thing you do? No, it's serious. We want to, if we bring our young men up with the girls with a sense of dignity and self-worth, and our young men up with an idea that this is a woman and it's a serious thing and you want to treat her like you want, expect your daughters to be treated. You want to treat her, expect your your sister to be treated like I treat your mother and stuff. If you do that kind of thing and you say, so what business do you have wasting this girl's time till you can take care of her because it has to be prompt. This is a highly motivational, if you bring him up, right? He's gonna get outta the house at 17 or 18. He's gonna be hustling to make a buck every way he can to get things ready so he can take care of that gal.
Speaker 0 01:01:07 I mean, whatever. He's gonna be sitting here saying, no, I've got goals. I've gotta reach these goals. And, and that way I can bring a girl into my life. Cuz you bring 'em up with this sense of responsibility, not this sense that this is a recreational activity, which is why we have so many people standing in the bus in front of abortion among other things because they think it's a recreational activity. And procreation, the whole idea of contraception is there's no consequences. Instead of procreation is this world is fraught with consequences and eternal ones. And it's a beautiful thing. It's a wonderful thing. It's amazing thing cause eternal beans are coming into existence and if you bring 'em up with this kind of reverence for the Lord and for what it is to be a woman, they're not going to, they're a lot less likely.
Speaker 0 01:01:53 I'm not gonna say they're not gonna be cuz we're weak, but they're a lot less likely to get in a car right before they get to the altar. They're a lot more likely to be the right kind of thing. Cuz I'm gonna tell you what the crisis is in men, there just aren't that many really good young guys to marry the girls. There's a lot more good young women than there are good young guys, but you can raise them. You've got the grace estate, but you gotta think about these things, okay? So you, you just want, those are the kind of things you wanna propose, propose here on guys, don't waste your time because this is serious business. When you're ready, get yourself ready and then go for broke. But you should be able to put a roof overhead and food on the table. That doesn't mean that much.
Speaker 0 01:02:34 I mean, I got friends that are trappers, so that's doesn't mean much at all. That's a wall tent. If he, if she'll fall down that trail or cowboy or something like that, that's fine. It doesn't have to be much, but it has to be something where he can actually take care of her. Doesn't have to be upper middle. This whole, some of these guys think that they just have to live like their parents who've been working all those years to get where they are. They, it's, you know, teach 'em. You're not gonna live like we are right off the gate unless you got oil wells. But all the rest of y'all are gonna have to just actually make your way through the world and live cheap on the way out. That's fine. It's a great adventure. You know, your mother and I did that if you didn't do that and all, but you get 'em thinking in those kind of patterns.
Speaker 0 01:03:12 How many young guys do I have? 18, 20 year old just sitting there and it's just occurred to 'em. They have to st they want to get married and just because them, I gotta start thinking about how I'm going take care of this woman. Well buddy, you knew for years you were gonna get married. Why weren't you thinking about? Because nobody pointed it out to him. You guys pointed out to your the sons. It'll be a lot different. It just happens to 'em. Life is happening to these kids. They're kind of walking along Daz in the American society playing Game Boy. And then they wake up one day and decide I'm gonna do something. And then they realize, wow, I have wasted all those years and now I'm really behind the eight ball trying to catch up and get where I should have been at this point if I'd have set my goals right? If that makes sense. I hope I'm speaking clearly enough now. I've spoken for probably an hour and 10 minutes. I'll give everybody a blessing and if there's questions I'll do my best to answer 'em. Okay, here we go. <unk>
Speaker 0 01:04:12 Ah man. I'll hold up a few books before the questions because I just wanna anything by James Stenson. He's got one called Father the Family Protector to be a man Life Lessons for Young Men. Boy is that a good book Upbringing, discussion Handbook for parents of young children. Lifeline the religious upbringing of your children. Good books. Steve Wood has another one that the boys could read. He's got one for girls too. But ABC's of choosing a Good Wife, it's Not Bad. Gives some a good practical, uh, thoughts on that. These are interesting. They have to be read with some discretion. They're, they're done by a Protestant couple. So there's some things in there that you think, uh, you know, we didn't need to get quite that detailed. But, uh, there's one called for Women Only and one for men only. And uh, what's interesting, like the for women for for Men only, they have this, uh, quick start guide where it's a fold out so you can under and and it gives you like these different aspects of, of like reassurance, emotions, decoding, security, listening, sex.
Speaker 0 01:05:21 And so it sit, it sit here, it has different questions like what the girl is thinking about and they, they, what they've done is they've, they've interviewed, they've done these really interesting sociological studies with thousands of people, thousands of women, thousands of men, and, and just talking about how are they thinking, what's their interior life like? And, and, and so the four men only is the straightforward guy to the inner lives of women. Very interesting for a young guy that's gonna get married or anybody that uh, that uh, has to deal a lot with women, for women only, it's the same thing. But for, uh, you know, to explain to guys, now it takes some discretion. I'm not sent by this and how it to your kid by reading yourself and then you'll know you know what to do, but there's nothing really like 'em.
Speaker 0 01:06:02 And when you read it, you just go, this is something like this. If, if, uh, if it could be written in a slightly different way would be infinitely useful. And it's pretty darn useful even in the way it's written, you know? But I just, I have that one, uh, qualification on that. Uh, and I already held these ones up on Preparing Sons to provide for a single income family. There's really nothing like that that I know of written by Catholics pretty darn good. And Compass a handbook on parallel leadership. This one, you, you, you'll get, you can get that 18 to 20 year view. Where do I expect my kid to be 18 years from now? You got that little kid just born. What, what are we looking for? So you have a goal and you're checking it on the way. Okay, Larry, you have a question?
Speaker 3 01:06:46 One, three or Stinson?
Speaker 0 01:06:49 Stenson. S t e n s o n. Thank you.
Speaker 3 01:06:54 Yeah. Regarding telling your daughter are beautiful very much. I was reading the biographies of the Lessor 10 and they were very strict with friends. Acquaints don't tell our daughters dress that they're beautiful. We don't want you to say that cause they're gonna get a big head or they're gonna get superficial, be worried about not give a comment or,
Speaker 0 01:07:21 Yeah, I mean the father could measure that depending on who the people are. But nonetheless, it's essential that the father does that. Look, if your, if your son has a really good baseball arm, you don't tell him you're not a, it's just part of humility is truth. If he's a great baseball player, you don't say, well, you're not a great baseball player. She a great baseball player. Give the glory to God and don't let it go to your head. You tell they they need to be reassured about their femininity and their attractiveness and you're the one that does that. And you don't have to tell 'em, oh, you'll look great and, you know, on the cover of some mag, that kind of stuff is insane. Uh, but, but you need to, they need to know that, that, that you're the non-sexual man in their life that they can just cuddle up to and just feel really, really reassured and affirmed, which the girl needs.
Speaker 0 01:08:09 It's just part, part of the, in the, the feminine insecurities from the fall. There's all these, we got these, these different insecurities, but that's part, she needs that kind of reassurance and you're the one that can give it to her. It is true, it can get carried away if you, if if you're fakey about it. If you oo and awe, you know, and, and just get ridiculous. But hey look, you don't, you look nice to dad. Your smile is Sona. I mean you can say things about her smile. A girl could be ugly as a mud fence and her dad could still say really nice things about her that would reassure that aren't lies cuz you don't want to flatter, but you want to, you need to love her life. It's an essential thing. Cheaper the disasters and female lives. That would be so different if girls were more free from social pressures.
Speaker 0 01:08:55 Cuz a girl, as you know, is way more sensitive to what everybody's doing and what the, what's going on and how everybody is. And she needs the freedom to be able to go through the world without getting drawn into that. The God gave them the moral strength. I mean, beauty and the beast is a true story. Just doesn't have real people. He gives the girl the moral shrimp, the blessed mother, the girl, she has it, but she's sensitive to the culture. So they're the keepers of the morals. And what, when we have a really degraded culture, all of a sudden they really feel like freaks if everybody's doing it, whatever it is, and they're not, but you're giving 'em that kind of security so when they leave home they know no, no, I'm gonna be art. That's why I read it from a woman there.
Speaker 0 01:09:35 But it's, it, it, believe me on that, priests have to spend a lot of time in, in the interior lives of women. And that is absolutely you just, I'm not making it up. There was another priest walked through here. You could ask him. I don't, he's not here right now, but it's, it's, it's just something psychologically that they need. And if you do it in the right way, it shouldn't be flattery, it shouldn't be that, but it shouldn't be something reassuring. You're telling them. And and then they have that kind of security and they don't have to look for that from the outside.
Speaker 3 01:10:05 So it's key for fathers. Oh,
Speaker 0 01:10:07 But
Speaker 3 01:10:08 Not so much, you know, maybe you don't wanna encourage, you know, like that they're getting that constantly.
Speaker 0 01:10:13 It, in fact the danger would be too much of that from the outside cuz they could start playing to that. That is something though, which each girl you just tell if you're paying attention to 'em, there's some that are gonna be more sensitive to that others and others aren't. And you just have to watch that. But I wouldn't make a federal case out of it and generally draw attention to it unless they're really something ridiculous or somebody wants 'em to run around the bikinis and stuff like that. You know, they don't need to do that with their body in order to feel good about their body.
Speaker 3 01:10:40 Yeah. Father, we talked about son now you said goals for your son prepared for the world. What, what is our part of daughters? Um,
Speaker 0 01:10:49 Yeah, is it the
Speaker 3 01:10:50 Same goal setting?
Speaker 0 01:10:51 Is it it Well it is, but the virtues, you know, I talked like I told the women, I didn't say that clearly to you guys, but, so I'm gonna talk more about women, what the women raised and the women, because you're proposing that and that, so I did make a couple comments about the girls here and obviously you do have a, this whole idea though of what kind of virtues do we want in this young person. So many, many young women that are very talented are really prepared to be the husband in our society. What a nightmare. And then they realize it dawns on them. You know, I told the, I'll just tell you a story. So a country school, we're from when you country school is what they probably call one room schools, most of the rest of the country and country schools. We have a lot of country schools back home I went to one, but it was, it was more than one room by that time.
Speaker 0 01:11:35 So my brother's in PR combined grades, but we had a lot of kids. So I was always in an independent grade, you know, when, when I was. But, uh, we have a lot of country schools and certainly out when I lived out in, in central Montana. Th that's how it is. So country schools typically higher, uh, country school teacher, which is usually a single woman cuz the school board, every, every school we, I, I don't know, we used to have like a little over 5% of the school districts in America in a state with three quarters of a million people. Every school had its own school board. But you do that because that way you might get a, a wife out there. Um, in the county I was in, there was 29 bachelors and one divorce safe, for example. No, absolutely no single girls in Mexico County.
Speaker 0 01:12:15 Not much too, you know, in an area of, uh, 200 by 150 miles, you know, just a couple girls that'd be available and they'd been married. So, so they hired the girl. And anyway, so they hired, we heard there's a others a new, the school teacher showed up. Well this buddy of mine found out I was going, so he wanted to go. So we, you know, have, I wouldn't get a run on it, you know, said okay, you get the pick on me awful. We, we can visit with this girl and inside of an hour you find out she hates to cook, she hates to sew. She, I mean she went down this whole list of things by the time you're done, you know she's throwing your cards <laugh>. So you get on the way back and say, oh, I get it. So I gotta fix the pickup, fix the roof and fix dinner.
Speaker 0 01:12:58 I mean, what the heck good is this? Is there's divisional labor. See, you wanna make sure they have the skillset set, just like with the guy. I should have said that, that's what I'm alluding to when talking about economic things. You want the guy to have the skillset like guy stuff that they can act. And even if you can't do it very well, okay, you can learn with your son, get a book. Now you can learn per everything on those goofy little videos and start doing it and, and coach him up and do things like buying old appliance that you don't care about and have 'em take it apart who care and try to show you how it works and put it back together. You know, you can get a junk, dishwashers and all this other stuff. Who cares? Who cares what your backyard looks like?
Speaker 0 01:13:34 Have that kid taken stuff apart. We have all these guys that are helpless as girls and uh, now you're not gonna be able to, most stuff is so black boxed, you can't do it, but you want 'em to do stuff so they feel confident and they can do it. And you just, if you get 'em going, they're young, they're not gonna go give 'em big old knife and teach 'em how to use it. You know, and you can super glue stuff when they cut themselves, get a fire pit in the back. I'm serious. Let this guy be a guy, you know, and let the girls too, to a certain degree. But you know, I, but you wanna give 'em skillsets and the same thing. So you wanna make sure the girl knows how to do those things. So maybe she's not gonna be the one that sews her own wedding dress, but who cares?
Speaker 0 01:14:09 She knows how to sew. She knows how to cook. You guys should know how to cook too. I mean, some of these priests who live with, if they boiled water, you'd think we're really getting somewhere. Now, you know, <laugh>, I'm not talking about the guys I'm living with, but you know, <laugh>, I've lived with some boy man, like why aren't you starving to death? They're standing there eating a bowl, bowl, Aja, you know, they, they figured out how to open the beans and they got this <laugh> Oh yeah, cowboy way up. It sound unbelievable. But, uh, but no, you, you wanna make sure that they, they have those kind of things, even if you've been cheated, that you can just change that in the next generation. You, because you can do it. And when they're little, they're not gonna know. Cuz you're dad, you know everything and you do that.
Speaker 0 01:14:48 And it's the same with the girls. You wanna make sure though, that our children leave home being functional in all kinds of different ways, not help us. So to go back to the girl model, you have these girls cuz they'll get the scholar and you meet these girls and they can do all this really high tech, this, that and other thing. And they couldn't sew a patch on something. It'd be too much. I mean, I, I should have brought it, but I didn't think of it till you asked. Said, I have an interesting article written by one where she's so frustrated, Ivy League, all these high, you know, degrees and all that. And then she gets married and realized, oh my gosh, I don't know anything about what it is to be a woman. I've been trained to be a guy and it's a really brutally honest thing. So make sure that doesn't happen. And that's the, so the, you're there just making sure that they get, and you're not trying to produce Betty Crocker, you're just trying to produce somebody that can, that whatever their vocation is, they can segue into it without, without a problem. If they're virtuous and they have skill sets to deal with the world, you're good to go
Speaker 3 01:15:52 In, in the, sorry, maybe it's common in today's culture, as you said, women won't find good men to marry. Should we be thinking about making our daughters self-sufficient? All those things we want our, our boys to be should be thinking about making our daughters that way too.
Speaker 0 01:16:08 Well, I mean you in terms of the virtues, you want her to be a very virtuous woman, but you, you wanna start praying now and you guys should be praying right now for proper spouses for 'em, because you have a place in that. That doesn't mean you pick 'em, but it means you run 'em off. But you gotta do that the right way too. I I, I will make a note on that cuz some guys are just a little bit over the top. You know, I'm the oldest brother, so I, I was probably guilty in that to a certain degree cuz you know, I'd, I'd be out in central Montana, one of my students see your sister as a boyfriend, you know, 250 miles away. But it's not that, it's just a small town stretched over a lot of country. So I'd drive down to Bozeman the next weekend and go interview 'em, you know, and basically tell 'em how it was in our family.
Speaker 0 01:16:49 Um, and uh, I was probably a little ridiculous, I have to say. Um, you, you, you don't want to get too carried away on that. On the other hand, it's really, if you have that kind of a, a system, uh, where the, the girl can tell you this guy is, I don't, you know, so she can always say, I have to ask my dad, you know, and but you shouldn't be sitting here. It's not engagement. You're not asking that if the kid wants to go out with your, you're not asking, he's not asking Can I be engaged to your daughter tonight? You know? Well, so he's just, he's not asking for a hand, he's asking, you know, can I go out? And so you need to be reasonable about that because there are some guys that are over the top and then you have his, you know, then the girl runs out with some mega because dad was too extreme.
Speaker 0 01:17:29 But it's, you know, the guy should be able to take that. I know the, the second one I went to, the first one I went out was just, we were at a cattle sale, so we're walking around the barn. That wasn't very interesting guy, but same where I actually had to, uh, call up her dad, you know, so I had to go over that was more scared of her than I was him, you know, see, sit down, he's cl cleaning his guns. I never even thought of that till later cuz I was more worried about having to talk to her and figure out what to say. But it was a perfect, legitimate thing to make sure that everything was gonna be home on time and all that stuff. It culturally, I'm not telling you to do that. I mean it didn't, it translated well where I'm from.
Speaker 0 01:18:02 But, but you want to, you want to be involved to a certain degree like that. But the most involvement starts when they're little. You're talking about virtuous and proposing these kind of things and proposing it in your own life. Cuz then she's the woman that's gonna look to you if, if you're a virtuous man, she's seeing what the kind of things that she wants in a man by looking at her dad. She's not gonna marry 'em. But that's, that's one of the things you're, you're modeling that all the time, but you need to pray now cuz and you pray they aren't aborted too, cuz your prayers are outside time. And so, so many of the, the people that should be able to get married, their spouse got ground up, wrote a worded out of the world. So you wanna pray that, that for a spouse from, and then they'll be all right. Yeah. Scott,
Speaker 4 01:18:45 You'd mentioned about, um, we've talked about preparing and life for, um, the book you mentioned like preparing them for, for a vocation, like for a job
Speaker 0 01:18:54 Or
Speaker 4 01:18:55 A skill. What would be the, like the emphasis on um, like a religious vocation trying to emphasize that versus emphasizing
Speaker 0 01:19:05 Getting register. They're not opposed. Uh, you, you absolutely, we don't need, we need real men. That's what we need in, in religious life in the priest. They're not opposed to each other at all. And that, no, this is a, this is a really important question because it's real easy for me to go up here and try to shake you down for all the money cuz I have no appreciation for all what you guys go to and do this and that and live in, in la la land like so many of us do and just abuse the faithful and not even know we're abusing him. Because you have this wildly impractical person who, who ends up with, he doesn't have a lick of common sense, but he goes to sin, he does everything just perfect, gets ordained. So I'm not talking about the homos, which is the biggest problem.
Speaker 0 01:19:51 I'm talking you, you get these guys, you can't pour common sense into somebody's head. You, but if a guy has a skill set and all, he's still a guy that happens to be a priest. That's the kind of guy that we need anywhere. I'm not talking about the congregation I'm in. I mean just generically as a cath, I'm still a Catholic man. I happen to be a priest. We need Catholic man cuz that's somebody your boy can relate to. I mean, there's not gonna be too many of us that are farriers, but I mean, it's not exactly the most practical thing in what I'm doing, but, um, it, it isn't the worst either.
Speaker 4 01:20:24 So, but we, we'd like when we were talking to our boys, do we um, do we kind of say in advising them, uh, say first find out if you have a priestly vocation and then because marriage will always be there
Speaker 0 01:20:42 Later. Well it's not a default setting. That's, that's a good question. They want, they want to be, they want to be praying for a good spouse and know their vocation. And when they know their vocation then they can kind of adjust to that to a certain degree. Right? But you should still expect them to have these skill sets. Whatever it is, you need to sit down and say, what do I want my boys to know how to do my girls when they leave? Huh? And, and uh, whether or not they go to the seminary or the monastery or whatever they do, they could be a lay brother and a cloistered monastery. Those guys are doing a lot of really neat stuff and they're doing, it helps if you go in there, but you don't have to, but it helps. You're getting, but you get a guy off the ground plus he's gonna feel, you want somebody that's confident in their manhood because you know that, I mean, if a guy isn't confident in his manhood, how many men are gonna go to him?
Speaker 0 01:21:39 The men are gonna empty out of the church that, I mean when I was, uh, so when I was a kid there was a lot, there were about half, it's the population's gone from 600,000 per near million and there's a lot more Catholic you could lay down in the penile. And when I was a kid there were more masses and it was squished in and you need all ushers and the men stood on the sides in the back of church, they're all gone. And those are the working class guys cuz we've lost them. But guess who had the families and where the priests come from because I'm from that class. That's where they came from. Cuz that's the most of the people. It isn't that middle class. They do, but there's always in the thing in the staff, we've lost them be. And one of the reasons we've lost 'em, it's, i, I don't want to go into all the details, but one of the reasons is because a lot of things just weren't appealing to 'em is man and father didn't really relate to him. Father related really well to the women cuz he kind of was one. No, you get 'em to be a man and then if they have a vocation, it's all the better. It's not to worry just but cuz you sent 'em out to be men and if they're priests as men that, that have that, that's great. Whatever. It's, it could be anything. It doesn't matter.
Speaker 3 01:22:56 Kind think about that Melman's question. Um, should we try to steer our kids, both men, women away from college given how useless the degree
Speaker 0 01:23:07 Is? No, but I mean you, I think you need to think a little bit different about things maybe than the default saying we're just gonna send to state you or Catholic you and, and hope it. No, you if, because there's so many different ways of getting things done with. But the big thing you don't want 'em to do is have become indentured servants to a student loan for the rest of their life. That's number one. There's all, you have to think about that before you do it. So I don't, there there's other things that can be talked about when they get to that point. But that is number one. How many of these people for their whole life are gonna be working out? Cuz you can't default on a student law and so they just pile it up and there they are and all of a sudden it's a, it's a form, a subtle form of slavery in that way.
Speaker 0 01:23:50 It's a near occasion of contraception. It's gonna make it harder to have a family that, that God wanted to descending all that. Cuz the whole time you got this debt burden that's just piling up on you and you didn't think about beforehand. God bless. So that you have to think you got plenty of time. We usually have to think about and be, that'd be the cost. Who knows when your kids get to that. But that right now, that's the thing when kids tell me, I say don't go in debt work, do all kinds of things go online. There's different things a person can do. There's different ways of getting around a lot of that. But don't assume these kind of burdens. It's just dangerous. The girl shows up. Let's say she has 35, $40,000. Hey, so he's gonna marry her, but then he, you know, he has to assume this gigantic loan and maybe he's got one. Good luck having a big family. You better have oil wells. Anything else
Speaker 3 01:24:43 Um, is important to uh, getting some established and outta the house by certainly is it as important for the daughter
Speaker 0 01:24:52 As well? No,
Speaker 3 01:24:53 She like hasn't met somebody.
Speaker 0 01:24:55 No, I mean, uh, no you don't, you it's, it's not important. In fact, in my humble opinion, and this is just an opinion, I don't think it's bad at all for the girl to live at home and, you know, work while she's living at home and look for the right guy and all that. It's a heck of a lot less, uh, troublesome depending on the girl's personality. There's a heck a lot less likeliness that she's gonna get in a big gigantic car wreck. That's not saying that a girl leaving home is, but you gotta think about that one. Cuz we're living in a brothel. Let's just be realistic and barring divine intervention, it's not gonna get any better. It's just gonna get worse. Do we wanna place our girls out there? Uh, you know, unnecessarily that I think that's really a calculation that has to be really thought about thoughtfully.
Speaker 0 01:25:41 It's just that bad. And, and she, you know, she can get the life experience working and doing that and, and, and staying at home. That's good to go. But you want the guy, the guy that he needs to swim in this thing. He needs to learn the wade through the sewage. That's just guyland. You gotta be able to deal with it. That's, that's your life. You're a guy cock your hammer cowboy. Well get out there. That's a different situation for that because he's gotta be able to deal with the outside world and, and you know, he may fall. That's, that's what we got confession for. But with her, it it, the, the stakes are different too, obviously. And a girl's big in a, in a pool full of sharks that's a person can disagree. I'm not giving Catholic teaching here. It's just, you know, follow.
Speaker 3 01:26:23 I just wanna reinforce what father just said. So I'll kinda put what you said in, um, when son 14, the girls right below me 13 and after reading scene books, there was one recommended was about ajour midwife. Yes. Together talk about all these dangers that the, the girls at that time in the early 19 hundreds were getting jobs at the factory and they were just falling into pit because now they have money to spend and they go have recreational activities, uh, and uh, talk wife the next date, the dinner. And this is contrary to like everything I had thought about, you know, my, my vision was, you know, when the kids get 16 it'd be good for them to go work jobs and learn about your work and earn some money. Work for that. I said to the girls, I said, you know, you don't have to go get a job number six. In fact, I put you on and you can stay home for as long as you need to. And the relief in their faces was palpable. My son kind of perked up and I said, you have to get a job because you're gonna be leaving.
Speaker 0 01:27:40 Yeah. You want to. Yeah. And if you're, if you're giving them like work at home, I can that make sense? I mean it depends. If you know people you can work. I have family friends that where they, they have their girls working, but they're with other, with family businesses, people they know. I mean that's, I don't want to make an absolute, I don't want to pretend to have a church teaching when I'm Japan. I, I wanna be real careful about that.
Speaker 3 01:28:02 But I, I would say that was a decision that my wife and I came
Speaker 0 01:28:06 To talked about
Speaker 3 01:28:07 And presented that absolutely as a path forward to the girls. They, their value is in who they are, not what they
Speaker 0 01:28:15 Do. Yeah, yeah. No, it's uh, and you just want to keep preparing 'em and keep, keep working on whatever it is. So on cooking, whatever it is that they painting, whatever they do was
Speaker 3 01:28:28 Having watched the train record, my sister, I would rather my girls wait. Yeah. And maybe even not get
Speaker 0 01:28:33 Very involved. There's a, on that note, I mean they're disturbing. It was in, uh, Christianity today. If you, if it's not still online, I can get it to people. But there was a very disturbing article. It would be about 11, 12 years, 12 years ago. It's called Dorm Brothels and it's by a guy named Gregorian. He's a, it's obviously an Armenian name and he teaches that Loyola in Maryland. So he's an Orthodox teaching there. And it just really, I, I recommend anything that guy wrote in, in, in this field, but dorm brothels, it is so disturbing and not it's, it's for Christianity today. So it's not like, you know, you're not gonna have him like, oh great, why do you tell me to read this? You know? So it's, it's, it's just disturbing at a different level. But if we, I mean that that I can talk one of the things you wanna be careful with the girls to go back.
Speaker 0 01:29:26 They're sensitive what everybody else is doing. And he brings this point up. Uh, during, during the, the dev, one of the most important revolutionary, uh, principles, I'll think of the guy's name as I'm talking. He died in prison in about 50 in Pennsylvania. He's a Jewish guy from Hungary. He coined the term sexual revolution. He's a physician that studied with Freud. Ah, and it doesn't matter right now, he's a i'll, I'll, I'll come up with his name in a second. It's really a disturbing guy. But one of the things between the wars, he goes on tour cuz he decides my contribution to the revolution is gonna be in the world of sex. That's what I'm gonna do. Reich with Wilhelm Reich. So Reich decides that he's gonna go on tour and he takes his little dog and pony show all over central Europe and you know, the guys are, you know, they're all for it. But the girls are like, you know, we got a lot more in this game and you realize this isn't gonna work. I'm not getting this revolution going. But then he realized, and he writes about this, you shouldn't read his stuff.
Speaker 0 01:30:36 That if he put a woman in a situation, in which way it seemed like everybody was doing things and would not change her moral code, but she would feel very helpless and probably go along and do these things. Anyway, I think the devil, the devil guided him in that it's ingenious in a very diabolical way. So all of a sudden you have a context for sex education, for things like Woodstock, for, for just being bathed in this stuff everywhere cuz the girl gets in a situation where everybody does it and it's very, very hard for her to not get into that situation. This goes back to the self-confidence in knowing the girl. Right? But Gregorian has one of the most interesting things, and I'll just tell you right now, this is, this is pretty close to, it's a pretty paraphrase close to a quoted. So he's given this talk at Loyola, like, I don't see why we have all this sex.
Speaker 0 01:31:32 It's not like sex is mandatory. I don't see why, you know, I mean I grew up in Virginia in the sixties and I don't see this. I went to whatever uni, you knows some University of Virginia and he's, I just don't see this kind of, and why is this? And afterwards one of the RAs came up and, and told him, no, Dr. Valor, you're wrong. It is as if it's mandatory because we girls and she says, talking about what we have to deal with when we're in an environment, it's like quo, right? It's just, it makes your hair stand up when we're in environment where it seems like everybody is doing it, even though that's not what we're like, it's very hard and confusing for us not to go along with this. And I deal with it every day. So the girl goes lives in the dorms.
Speaker 0 01:32:14 It's not the educational system per se, it's her living situation. This is going on all this recreational activities honor her and she's almost helpless and prostrate, you know, before the whole thing. So it's an extraordinary article. I always give it to parents when they ask me about sending their girls off to school. I have 'em read that. I say, you know, cuz you gotta pray about this. I'm not making an absolute, you need to know your girl. You need to think very thoughtfully about what living situations we're gonna be in, what it's actually like there. Not all their dumb propaganda. And I'm, I can these, I'm not talking, I'm talking every school as in every school, like the dropdown, none. I'm talking every school. You need to think about that and, and the girl because it's just a reality that these things are going on and uh, and then you can act accordingly, but you just think about that kind of thing.
Speaker 0 01:33:06 But the whole sexual situation is, is tilted in that way. So they feel that kind of pressure. It's the same with the kind of clothing they wear and all that. A lot of those girls really don't want to dress that way and they feel, they'll feel free. And other priest tells 'em, you know, you don't, you don't really need to dress, thank you. And they, they start dressing like a human being because they really needed a guy that was outside in a non-sexual way to just tell 'em, you know, no, you're, you don't actually, you don't have to dress like that. I mean, and they'll put on regular clothes cuz it's some level. Now not all of 'em know that cuz you know, the way things are raised, a lot of it's like this. So a lot of girls just dress in a really clueless fashion and there's no malice at all. It's not appropriate, but it's no mal. So we can't be, you know, I don't walk around saying you, but uh, if a girl comes up and talks to me about that kind of stuff when we get to that and, and it's kind of funny, but they need somebody to affirm 'em because they feel so threatened. It's just a psychological reality. Alright, sorry I've gone off on that point roll too long.
Speaker 0 01:34:06 Yeah,
Speaker 3 01:34:08 I just wanna touch on appropriate, uh, you know, Corey dating Yeah. You know, uh, whether it's your daughter or your son. Yeah. I mean, to me it's your son. Don't think I could be, you know, established before they consider
Speaker 0 01:34:25 Dating
Speaker 3 01:34:25 Or thinking about marrying
Speaker 0 01:34:27 Somebody, both of them.
Speaker 3 01:34:28 Preacher daughter, should you be letting her start to date, like say 18, but the guy should be established
Speaker 0 01:34:35 If, yeah. The, the rule of thumb, you know, just, it, it's an obvi it's a, it's a core immediate deduction from, from what we said Cynthia, I'll just go through it real quick and show you what comes, um, uh, company keeping with the view towards prompt marriage is necessary in your occasion, Sam view towards prompt marriage. If she's ready to be married and he's ready to be married, in other words, it's realistic. I don't care in, in that way. As the priest, if they're ready to be married, ready to be married means he can realistically put a ho a roof over her head and food on the table. And like I said, if that's a wall tent, she wants to calm down that trail in central Alaska, Montana, the, the dad might freak out. But that, that, that's really, that's the kind of thing. So it doesn't have to be much to be established in words, but it, if he's living with his parents and working at McDonald's and then, then I don't think the guy needs to have a nice talk.
Speaker 0 01:35:27 We had, uh, in fact they were down this last weekend for a wedding, but a, a young couple, they, they fell in love, very virtuous from two, two really good homeschooling kids. It was really kind of a neat situation. But they fell in them when they're 18. So the guy went, he right away asked, uh, went and talked to the dad and said, Hey, do you mind if I court your daughter? And the dad said, uh, can you take care of her yet? Can you put a roof over her head and food on the table? And then she said no. And he says, you can't as soon as you can. Boy did that motivate that guy. I'm, I'm telling you what he just, that just set him on fire cuz this was his best girl. This is somebody he's gonna marry. And it motivated him and he's serving mastery one day.
Speaker 0 01:36:05 And he told me, I just got raised, I got made assistant manager. I go, what do you make? You know, cause he wasn't, you know, he's he's gone from like boxing groceries, but they liked him so much, they boo. And we, I said, well when are you gonna get, they got engaged the next day. I mean it was just like bam went off and running. It was just funny cuz he was motivated. This is best girl I gotta get going. It was great. It took him a couple years to pile up, you know, enough experience and work and, and do it. They've got a beautiful family, they're just gonna run. So stuff like that, they might fall in love at that age. So then you just had to kind of say, well, you know, uh, we, we gotta because you don't want 'em hanging out. So, but yeah,
Speaker 3 01:36:45 But the insurance's, like it's, if it's a guy who, who's 18
Speaker 0 01:36:49 And oh that's your daughter was saying, oh I'm off to college. Yeah, no, no, no, that's then just tell the guy, no, no thanks. Um, you, but if you have this kind of thing, if, if you're bringing up the kids saying, look, this is a vocation so we gotta re you're shooting for a vocation so you don't want to do this, you want to guard your heart cuz you don't want practice divorce. You, you want as few breakups as possible. Cuz you don't want that kind of emotional trauma in somebody. I look at it like practice. It's, you want it, you want it breakup if it's not gonna work, but you don't wanna just do this sort of, it, it's like, you know, you got the girl on your arm driving around at night, you know, that's just craziness. You're just asking for a car wreck.
Speaker 0 01:37:27 And in a society like Arthur where everything goes except being wholesome, you're really asking for a car wreck. So I just tell him, when you're ready, you're ready. The girl doesn't have to ha ha have to be able to, to, you know, put a roof over the head and all that he does. So that's all. But it doesn't have to be much. If he's, that's, that's why I say cuz sometimes I think, uh, you know, a, a parent could make this basically, you know? Yeah. You gotta be bringing in. Well, not necessarily if that makes sense. Mm-hmm. <affirmative>. All right. Well I hope it gives you something to think about and it.
