Episode Transcript
Speaker 1 00:00:02 One of the most remarkable features of the current crisis, both the church and society is a virtual collapse of fatherhood fact that when it's encountered it's so often aggressively attacked mocked and belittled, when it's encountered fatherhood is not valued by our society at large, nor by Mallee ailments and the church, whether we're speaking of parishes, diocese, or congregations, wasn't always this way, for example, from ancient times. And I think right up until 1983 in the new code and think that's when it changed. If a priest remade, pastor of parish, who's there for life, the Bishop could ask him to move, but he's free to refuse and couldn't be removed without Rome getting involved because the permanent pastor wasn't going anywhere because he was going to be buried there with his people. He had a vested interest in their holiness, the vested interest in addressing the pastoral palms of his people. And he couldn't just tell himself, well, you know, I only have six years in this parish. The next guy is going to have to solve the problems. Just take one example. Every parish, this is not a local parish, but in a local parish, it has geographic boundaries within that boundaries. Everything belongs to the pastor. That means that every abortion mill belongs to a local pastor, every abortion mill.
Speaker 1 00:01:39 And if they were taking it serious, they'd be down there with their people. Cause they know they have to answer for that abortion though. They have to answer for that strip club. They have to answer for that bad bar. They have to answer for every Protestant church. Those all belong to a pastor. This is a military occupation of planet earth and everything. All the responsibilities divided up
Speaker 1 00:02:03 There was also belonging to the Bishop by the matter. But anyway, the old time pastor was expected to be the father of his parish. And I spent eight years working next to parish who was interested in Holy family parish. But at that parish, the pastor had been there since world war two, over six years. What a parish, just amazing what an influence this pastor had. It was only part of the inner city that hadn't completely fallen apart. He really was the father of his people. He knew his people and they loved him and he had a real moral and he had a real spiritual power over his people. He was their father. He wasn't going to leave them. They knew that they were secure in that
Speaker 0 00:02:50 He was her father.
Speaker 1 00:02:56 It's another ancient tradition of the church. It's been
Speaker 1 00:03:02 Fatherhood. Isn't valued by our society at large either, but it wasn't always this way today on the face of the Holy family. We'll take some time today considering typical features of the family before this modern disaster. And then we'll compare that with the modern situation in all too many homes, with a more particular focus on fathers with the usual, edit, cutting and pasting or lie, principally on a work, a really good work written in the eighties, late eighties by James B Stenson, it's called successful fathers. James B Stenson successful fathers. It's a great little booklet, James Stenson. What follows is a composite description of a typical family in the Western world. That is to say the U S Canada, Australia, Europe, much of Latin America until up until the early years of the 20th century, certainly in many parts of the Western world, it would have gone much later than that.
Speaker 1 00:03:59 But up to the early years of the 20th century, this would have been typical. Number one, the home was essentially a small business, a place of work. Father and mother worked together as senior partners in an ongoing business enterprise, whether farming, craftsmanship, trade or some other livelihood, the house was filled with tools and work implements. And the children constantly saw their parents at work each in different, but complimentary responsibilities. Number two, the children played a low level, but necessary part in this enterprise. Naturally the smallest children spent most of their time playing the older children, however did work that was needed around the house. Chopping wood, drawing, water, hauling materials, preparing meals from scratch and the like this work being necessary, involved responsibility and therefore conveyed a sense of self worth. Everyone in the family understood that the children's cooperation that is to say their obedience to their parents' direction was essential, demanded, and expected.
Speaker 1 00:05:12 Number three, as children grew, they would take on increased levels of responsibility. By early adolescents, they'd be working alongside their parents in a personal apprenticeship sharing. The day to day tasks of making the family work a serious preoccupation with play playing amusement was something for the youngest children. These adolescents were more like adults than children, and they thought of themselves that way. Number four, because cache matures were scarce. Everyone in the family had to wait for things and to earn them children. That's acquaint acquired a sense of time. That sense of the relationship between effort and results living on or close to the land, taught some truths about life. Some things have to be earned. Some things can't be hurried. Some things are inherently out of anyone's control. Relative poverty led to an appreciation of simplest essentials, regular nourishment, warm shelter, good health. The confidence of being loved by family and friends for everything else the children learned to make do or to do without number five, practically every family had other adults aside from the mother and father associated with it.
Speaker 1 00:06:29 Grandparents, unmarried, aunts and uncles hired help close friends of the family. Thus children perceived a range of adult personalities and could therefore thereby form a generalized concept of adulthood frequently. The children could see these adults both by word, indeed show respect to their parents. This reinforced their parents' authority and highlighted those traits where the emulation sometimes in case of conflict between parent and child, these other adults would support the parent's position. Your father's right. You should listen to him. And a sense that children were overpowered by the adults who shared a common view of right and wrong at us. Adolescent rebellion could not go far against this wall of confident adult consensus. Number six, conversation reading with the principle ways in which young people learned about adult life and the world outside the family at home recreation centered around talk that is to save the life of the mind.
Speaker 1 00:07:31 Storytelling games, family history, Bible, reading, friendly debates, discussions of issues and events. All this was the normal intake of children, listening to their parents and the families, adult friends, a big threshold is crossed. When the older children were welcomed into the circle of discussion, having their opinions listened to and respect it. Number seven, because future occupational positions were more or less fixed. And in any event, the responsibility that are grown children, themselves, parents not think over much about the children's eventual careers. Really. They thought in terms of their true children's future character, their efforts in the children's upbringing derived directly from a set of questions, will the children grow up to be self-reliant competent, responsible adults, as soon as possible before they're out of their teams, will they be honest, levelheaded and honorable bringing esteem to our family? Will they live according to our moral principles and pass those on to our grandchildren? Will our daughters and sons marry spouses who share our principles, will their marriages be stable, permanent and happy? Will our children remain chaste and modest will every aspect of their courtship and marriage remain worthy of our approval. And God's can we count on our children to honor and respect us in our old age?
Speaker 1 00:09:03 Number eight, finally, families are United in prayer and religious conviction. Children saw both parents live according to God's word trust in his merciful care. Since so much of life was perilous and essentially out of control through sickness, accident, drought, famine war, the whole family was conscious of their dependence on God. Pair was important, necessary, habitual. It added spiritual strength to people who are strong already. Okay. So that's a summary of the typical family in the Western world up to perhaps a century ago, James Stinson, a multitude of powerful changes in family life or the past decades have seriously effected the formative character building relationship between parents and children. The traditional role of father has been especially hard, hit the span of two full generations since he's writing the eighties. We're now in a third generation, two broad social developments have drastically altered family. Life first is on present level of prosperity and joy by the middle class.
Speaker 1 00:10:09 It's no exaggerate to see our standard of living has greatly exceeded the wildest ambitions of mature success that our forebears dreamed about at the turn of the last century and a real sense. We've all become very rich. Now that parenthetical Mark, if the young people here, if you think that's exaggeration, that we've all become very rich. We'll just consider one thing that I'm sure all of you haven't thought much about and take for granted. And that is that you all have shoes and they probably all fit. I'd bet. Good money. There's older people here that didn't have shoes and their little, I know for a fact, there's plenty of older people here that didn't have shoes that fit, probably not even until they were adults.
Speaker 2 00:10:50 We're very rich.
Speaker 1 00:10:53 The second social development that has drastically altered family life is arise of mass, electronic communication. It's introduced powerful images, ideas, values, and authority figures in the life of the family. And he's writing before the internet. It may be said to the natural relationship between parents and children has been complicated by the presence of strangers within the home entertainers, athletes, TV stars, news, announcers, advertisers, and a host of other personalities.
Speaker 2 00:11:24 Okay?
Speaker 1 00:11:24 So the two social developments have drastically affected family life. The great rise in prosperity material wellbeing in the development of electronic mass media Stinson. These two developments have seriously altered the formative dynamics between parents and children. We compare the situation today with that previously described the differences are striking. Number one, middle-class children today almost never see their father work. Dad leaves the house in the arrives, tired at night, often quite late, the children do not see him exercises personal powers of mind and will while dealing with the outside world. Did you not witness his character on inaction on the job frequently under stress? They therefore lack is modeled the virtues in action, discerning judgment, responsible control of events, personal toughness, and solving problems, self control, and dealing with setbacks and difficulties. When they do see dad around the house, they generally see him at leisure when his virtues, so to speak or an idle, even when he does some, any work around the house.
Speaker 1 00:12:31 This work is more like a leisure activity, a relatively enjoyable break from the pressures of a serious livelihood. The children seldom join in because they themselves are otherwise occupied with leisure activities of their own pressures for a second income frequently. Key mom, also out of the house and out of sight. That's her own example of personal on the job. Strength is committed, is diminished, considerably. What is left for the children to see them. They see their parents mostly at rest, especially their father and most, especially with television, unfortunately, serious strengths of character do not normally shine forth in leisurely amusements. And they never shined forth at all in front of the glowing tube and a lot of homes, a huge percentage of homes. The television really takes the place of the family altar, even in homes where the family alter the television frequently has pride of place for those with eyes to see that means something certainly means something to the children.
Speaker 1 00:13:44 Stenson. Number two, the home itself has become a place of play rather than work. Whereas formerly tool and working implements about in the home and toys and play things were scarce today. The situation is reversed. Tools are tucked out of sight. We'll play things are everywhere. Televisions, DVDs, computers, stereos, electronic games, boxes of toys, et cetera, et cetera. Oftentimes books are scares these leisure devices combined with soft furniture and efficient healing and cooling systems make the modern home and exceedingly comfortable place for the parents. This leisure is a welcome unnecessary change of pace for the children. And this is the main point here for the children. The surroundings and comfort and play are the only world that they know
Speaker 1 00:14:39 For the children. Their surroundings, a comfort and play are the only world they know. They have no strenuous tasks to relax from. Their entire universe of experience consists of and amusement. Life is play a visitor from another century, be astonished at the role reversal in the modern family. In former times, the children would share in the adults activities today, the parents are given over to the children's preoccupations, which are principally amusement. Now per the another parent that remark this larger context of society is easy to see if we briefly consider architecture. Architecture has a meaning. For example, if you were to visit the medieval European village, what would be the most prominent structure, be the church. That's an architectural statement telling you what generally speaking, which was most important to valid nuts society was God.
Speaker 1 00:15:40 If today you were to visit a small town in Texas, what is the most prominent structure? It's the football stadium. That's an architectural tape statement telling you what generally speaking is the most important or valued and that society, which is amusements Stinson. Number three, conversation with the father and other adults as minimum. If I've spent much time talking with his children about his life outside, their experience, that is his job and his personal history has concerns and worries his opinions and convictions. He could compensate considerably for his absence. During most of the children's waking hours, the children would learn at least something about his character. Such father children discussion was common until the invention of television. But studies show that talk of any sort between fathers and children frequently told is less than 20 minutes a day, really serious conversations by which children learn about dad's life and character are extremely rare.
Speaker 1 00:16:46 Number four, older children, adolescents today function is consumers, not producers. Most middle class households, the child's active. Labor's not really necessary. Many parents. In fact, find it easier in the long run to do the children's chores themselves rather than nag incessantly in such households, canny children can learn to evade work by delaying action sooner or later, the parents will give up, let the kids get on with their own business, which is amusement. The lifetime habits of amusement, which in former age has dropped off sharply at puberty. Now continue more or less than tact until early twenties or even later life type habits of amusement, which formerly dropped off sharply at puberty. Now continue more or less intact until the twenties or even later, if one outlook on life is formed largely to personal experience, we should be surprised at the relentless pleasure seeking of so many young people, a substantial number of our young adults arrive at their twenties.
Speaker 1 00:17:57 Now remember he's writing in the eighties, a substantial number of our young adults arrive in their twenties with almost no experience or productive, satisfying work. Instead, most of their experiences centered on leisure activity, play and entertainment. Small wonder. They come to equate happiness with amusement number five, but also society outside the family also fails to make responsible demands of older children and adolescents who can safely make at least one generalization compared with our counter parts in the middle fifties and earlier today's high school. Students do not work as hard or learn as much about adult level standards of professional performance though. The very brightest students in top track courses still receive a reasonably rigorous intellectual challenge. Most of the restaurant received anything resembling an introduction, adult responsibility. Well that's putting it lightly. That was written in the eighties. Just think some of the lovely things that children are being exposed to in the schools in this post Clinton era. So one of my friends, he's a father of seven homeschooled kids says we often told our Catholic friends that if your kids aren't getting a Catholic education, they're getting a pagan education.
Speaker 1 00:19:19 Thank the good Lord for homeschooling. This very few true moral private schools that still exist. Number six, television and other entertainment media become the principle means by which children form concepts of adult life. The rise of television is authority figure diminishing arena, replacing that of parents and other adults has been one of the most subtle and significant social changes in the last few decades. I'd add sinister. It is natural for children, adolescents to imitate most unconsciously adults who serve as models of personal strength and accomplishment for centuries. It was the father who filled this role, but at age, children settle and witness their father displaying his character strengths outside the home. Moreover, the children almost never see other adults show respect towards dad. And finally, since TV watching is practically eliminated serious conversation with dad and his children whereby the children could learn of dad and strengths.
Speaker 1 00:20:21 At least secondhand, the children are left with a weak overall picture of their father's character. Dad appears as a relatively weak individual friendly likable, leisure oriented, somewhat dull, but not really deserving of high respect. Every home with a much use television presents children with an array of authoritative adult figures, musicians, dramatic actors and actresses talk show hosts, comedians and miscellaneous celebrities. Studies have documented how these figures come to be accepted in the home, especially the children as intimate family acquaintances. The key point is this, these people radiated to power laced in illusion of power. That overshadows as it were the children's perception of their father, strength of character, then our team are seen to possess and super abundance. Those qualities that older children, adolescents long for they appear confident. Self-assured supremely competent socially and financially successful, popular and respected sophisticated brimming with unrestrained energy there thus and effects rivals for the children's attention and emulation. So they comprise an infant dismal percentage of our population, popular entertainers, exercise, a direct effect on the way, young people who talk, think dress and behave extraordinary percentage of adolescent conversation deals with the doings and proceed characters of singers, comedians, and other television personalities that I might add. You wouldn't let in your house.
Speaker 1 00:22:00 Young people seldom talk serious about any professional, other than entertainment. When they do discuss other lines of work, law medicine, law enforcement business, et cetera, their concepts reflect largely what they've seen dramatized on television. Small wonder that such a sizable proportion of young people display bewilderment apprehension and lack of realistic. Self-confidence when they reach full adulthood in their twenties or later since childhood, their images of adult life have been literally illusions
Speaker 1 00:22:34 And their father and weirdly has done little to anchor them. In reality, his own life is not given counterweight to the television's influence. Indeed. He has often been a quietly devoted part of the TV audience. Not much strength effective direction can emanate from an armchair seven. Finally, the practice of religion is seldom a significant part of family life through him throughout history periods of great prosperity have always seen a rapid decline in religious belief and practice wealth gives us the illusion that we have life under control. We'll not to worry. I guess the problem great prosperity is probably going to be addressed in rather drastic fashion among other things. Our prosperity has meant significantly less prayer, large percentage of our children hardly ever experienced prayer in their lives at home. They almost never see their father pray for very young children. The side of their father praying is important.
Speaker 1 00:23:31 Their life lifelong concept of God. If even dad shows his affection, respect to God, then God must be all powerful. Indeed. He must be a father himself loving, protective, all knowing, capable of doing everything as children grow older, their fives attitude towards God has deeper, more subtle effects, but his attitudes and actions, the father says in effect, this is the correct way by which we adults can put ourselves in the world. Whether we feel like it or not is the way we please God, our father and live honorably among other men and women. Religious conviction is one of the greatest strengths in a person's life. It firms up judgment, purpose, confidence, self control. The children are looking for these things eager for them. If they see this preeminent strengthen their father, they're likely to adopt it themselves. But if it's missing, if it's missing, they'll find other values elsewhere. Shrine by allurements of the materialistic culture, they can swiftly adopt the rationalized life. Outlook of modern materialism. Men are just clever animals. Life ends with death. Morality is merely a social convention. Religion is a Sam life's purpose is the pursuit of pleasure and money and power.
Speaker 1 00:24:54 In short as children approach young adults, they faced an existential choice, religious faith and materialistic faith. That choice has to depend enormously on the religious leadership of their father.
Speaker 1 00:25:07 There's certainly a lot here to ponder and pray about for married couples to talk about another occasion, we'll consider some practical approaches to the current challenges close today with one last thought on fatherhood, it's from a homeschooling father thought quote, the Christian life is warfare. Traditional Catholic homeschool is on the front lines, whether they realize it or not that's if they don't realize it, they will not be sufficiently armed and they will in are being taken out. Most importantly, the dad must be the spiritual head and he must pull his head out of the world and see what his battle is against principalities and powers and not against flesh and blood or in the political arena of secular and church politics close quote. The Christian life is warfare and the people in the mass media are not our allies. The dad must be the spiritual head. He must pull his head out of the world and see it as he battles against principalities and powers, not against flesh and blood on a political arena of secular and church politics.
